| In
a move that sent shockwaves throughout the evangelical
and fast-food industries, Rick Warren announced Sunday
from his Saddleback pulpit that beloved hamburger
entrepreneur Ronald McDonald has “signed on” to help
with Warren’s global PEACE Plan. “Ron’s
progressive vision has been a great inspiration to me
and Kay,” said Warren, “and we are just thrilled to
have this clown helping us lead the Church into the
Second Reformation.”
PEACE is the
acronym that stands for Warren’s five-point global
plan to: Plant churches, Equip leaders, Assist the poor,
Care for the sick, and Educate the next generation.
According to Warren, McDonald has the perfect leadership
experience to help Christians tackle these five
objectives because the hamburger chain has already
successfully completed most of these biblical goals.
Explained Warren, “Not only has Ron planted a
franchise on almost every street corner in the world,
but he has also trained millions of teenage geeks to be
shift leaders, given affordable Value Meals to the
poor, created the Ronald McDonald House for sick kids,
and educated millions of Americans on the dangers of a
high-fat diet. What’s not to like about this guy? He
even dresses funnier than me.”
Some within the
evangelical community, however, think such an
association with McDonald has many serious
ramifications. “Call me legalistic,” said Amos Peete
of Watchlight Discernment Ministry, “but maybe the
Church would be better served by NOT being led by a
profit-driven clown. I mean, we already have Benny Hinn
out there, don’t we?”
Among other
criticisms by Peete is McDonald’s past associations
with Hamburglar, a known criminal, and Grimace, who
after leaving McDonaldland discovered his
Christ-consciousness and became a Transcendental
Meditation guru in Van Nuys, California. Added Peete
with a sigh, “Ronald McDonald’s only qualification
is marketing Happy Meals with a smile. Good grief, he’s like Joel
Osteen with orange hair.”
Richard Abanes,
author of Rick Warren and
the Purpose that Drives Him and a Saddleback member, was quick to defend his
pastor’s new partnership. “I am very disheartened by
the vitriolic reaction by certain ‘holier-than-thou’
Christians who would question Rick’s decision to bring
in a clown to help him lead the 21st century Church.
Until one of these Pharisaical critics can show me ONE
Bible verse that says that a clown CAN’T be a church
leader, then I think they better just trust the judgment
of famous Christians like Rick and myself who have
successfully proven their faith through Saddleback’s
growth and our best-selling books.”
When asked if
McDonald was even a Christian, Abanes scoffed. “Why
would he want to help out Rick if he wasn’t a
Christian? What possible advantage would a business
savvy clown gain by attaching himself to a wildly
successful phenomenon like the Purpose Driven church
that is trying to globalize? Really, people, give Rick
Warren a little credit for knowing whether Ron is a wolf
in size 24 shoes or not.”
Though
preliminary details are sketchy, the Saddleback-McDonald’s
partnership, as orchestrated by Warren’s mentor Peter
Drucker, will include the strategic placement of
McDonald franchises in several Purpose Driven churches
in Third World countries, along with a plan to replace
the AIDS epidemic in South Africa with the more
manageable “Big Mac Attack” by 2010.
Not to be
outdone, Bill Hybels has asked the Burger King to speak
at the next Willow Creek Leadership Summit in 2006. A
dejected Hybels explained, “We wanted Bozo, but he was
booked for a Bar Mitzvah that day.”
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