January 2006 --- Hot on the heels of leading a wildly successful, culturally relevant youth group at Keystone Community Church, Youth Pastor Tad Grunholtz has recently created a similar ministry for the elderly in hopes of luring disaffected old people back into church. He calls the group Xtreme Seniors. “A lot of churches today just focus on the younger generation and ignore the elder members of the church,” explained Grunholtz. “But at Keystone, we came to the sudden realization during our last building campaign that old people have all the money. Sure, the youth are the future of the church, but we need a new gymnasium now.”

Using his thriving youth program as a template, Grunholtz has done away with the boring “Golden-Agers” Bible study group that was such a turn-off to many seniors, and has endeavored to put some excitement back into their fellowship. “Hey, the Rolling Stones are in their sixties and look like dried-up mummies, but they still like to rock,“ Grunholtz said. “As a senior group leader, I had to ask myself, ‘WWJD?’ What would Jagger do?”

As he did with the Keystone youth group, Grunholtz tailored his new senior program to appeal to the cultural demographic of the members. “Most of the old folks can’t see the small print in their Bibles anyway,” said Grunholtz. “So if I can reach them for Jesus by using Matlock reruns and Wayne Newton, I’m doing it.”

Grunholtz admits that his transition from teen ministry to the elderly was not without its difficulties. In fact, Grunholtz’s cutting-edge vision for the new senior group got off to a rocky start last summer when 80 year-old Myrna Trumbold broke her hip in the mosh pit during the group’s first field trip to a Christian-rock concert. After the incident, Grunholtz realized he would have to do a better job adapting his program to fit the older generation’s specific needs. “I give Myrna props for jumping off the stage into the crowd during P.O.D.’s set,” he said, “but frankly that’s no place for someone with osteoporosis.”

Over the last year Grunholtz has seen the attendance for Xtreme Seniors grow steadily, despite the fact that the group has a much higher death rate than other church groups. “Some people might think these constant reminders of their mortality would produce a more serious tone to our activities,” said Grunholtz. “But it’s really just one more reason why these old folks need to party with Jesus before they kick the bucket. When you’re at death’s door, the last thing you want to be reminded of are the wages of sin.”

Every Thursday night Grunholtz gathers the seniors in the church’s Activity Room, filled with the pungent aroma of Ben-Gay and the pulsating polka beat of Lawrence Welk music. Some of their weekly group activities include Bobbing-for-Dentures, the Ensure Chugging Contest, and the Xtreme Mobility Scooter Race. The most popular event for seniors, according to Grunholtz? “Xtreme Napping.”

Church member Martha Sykes has been pleased with how much the new senior group has gotten her 87 year-old father off the streets and closer to God. “Pop never had much interest in religion. In fact, after Mom died, he started hanging out with a local gang of mall-walkers and coming home at all hours of the night smelling of cheap Geritol,” Sykes remembered. “But ever since I began taking him to Xtreme Seniors, he’s saying that Jesus is the cat’s pajamas. He hasn’t called anybody the cat's pajamas since his favorite game show host, Wink Martindale.”